Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
3 2 1 whiskey
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
