i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
there is glitter all over my balls
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