Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
