i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
