onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
