well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
