weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
