so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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