Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
