I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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