Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
