and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
