I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
