yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
