I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
