I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
