ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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