I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
