benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
