I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
