Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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