That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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