She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
