So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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