i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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