The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
