Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
