Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
