Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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