I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
