Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
