Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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