Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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