Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just googled if crying burns calories
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
