Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
