she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
