Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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