Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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