You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize