i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
