They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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