first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize