You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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