remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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