dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
