i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
jump out the window naked night went bad
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
