I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize