I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
