I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
