I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
