She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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