Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
