i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
