dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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