Don't make out with my wife yet
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
