i need an iv and a liver transplant
where am i from again
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You did what with his pubic hair?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
