i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
