New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
