A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
