so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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