super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
