i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
