If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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