Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
