between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
