HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
