Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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