Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
