You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
