But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
