My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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