I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
