Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
