Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
false alarm. still invincible.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
