Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you had me at cake vodka
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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