would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
