I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Pooping to opera.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
