And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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