If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
