Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
nutella sex= disaster
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
