is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
