my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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