just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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