How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
