They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
