I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
